Lights

There are lights, some like tiny blue stars that flicker in the intensity of their brightness, others like burning suns radiating a golden light. Most everyone has a light. But like light pollution that shrouds the stars that hang above large cities, there is a lot of artificial light that dims the lights in all of us.

I can't see literal light.

But there is a quality that can be sensed, that any of us can sense. And sometimes it's not quite darkness, but it's like it's so hazy... like so much artificial light is going on in one's understanding of reality that it's hard for the real light, the original light to shine through.

Anyway, it's kind of pretty, seeing, or even imagining all these lights walking around the city, in the streets, across a room - like stars forever forming new patterns and constellations.

This blue planet is swimming in constellations. But there's also a lot of artificial lighting and external stimulation that kind of drains, dims and darkens the brightness of the stars within ourselves. I can see it. And so can you.

It's weird. But makes sense. If any of this makes sense.

Some shine brighter than others, and there are a few that have a very peculiar, particular quality. The weird ones. They tend to have a lot more clarity in the nature of their creative expression. But things like insecurity or external stimuli like excess entertainment tends to dim their inner twinkle lights.

I really like these people. Because they're not all hippy dippy, but down to earth and have a real human smell to the way their lights shine.

And even when they're acting like assholes, I tend to have more patience with them, because they're all just coming into their self hoods like myself. So we stumble and get distracted along the way. But it does concern me, because they're unaware or are ashamed of the very qualities that make them so rare and choose to actively dim their brightness in the presence of others.

BobbLebot's speaking BabbLebot again.

I suppose... por ejempLo, I've got a soul speaker in one corner, a weird one, but has a fuzzy clarity to his light. (Paradoxical, I know.) The source is clear, the edges are fuzzy. In another corner I know a thundercat who's a stealth weirdo. He's intensely and intelligently weird with a very humanish smell to him. His light's more amber/yellow, like a sun. Very fuzzy, warmer than it is bright at the moment.

The affect is there, but the clarity in light isn't. But I could tell that it once was. It flickers. Like a street lamp that can't make up its mind whether or not it wants to stay lit. Fluttering like butterflies or allergy-inflicted eyelashes. Eyelids? Eyelashes sounds better.

Babyface, his is such a cute and intelligent light. Can't decide what color or tones yet. It floats around like a bubble unless something catches its attention. Then it kind of stays still and glows brighter and brighter. And then dims quickly when it gets overstimulated and exhaustimicated.

Thumbprints, I suppose. Everyone has their own signature.

What's mine? Hmmmm... I dunno. Mebbe someone else can tell me. I'd like to think it's a twinkle, twinkle shiny star the bops all over the place. If I have a star inside me, it's probably one that doesn't sit still for very long. But then again, I don't know for sure. Cuz I don't have a mirror.

And there are other lights, really pure and bright. Otherworldly. And they don't smell very human - but in a good way. I suppose it's like those lights are kind of beyond the superficial fallacies that most of us go through.

But anyway, here's an example of a light that doesn't smell very human and burns very brightly. Blue-whiteish. Not quite ultraviolet.





Lights like these give me a lot of comfort in knowing there are those that don't need to be "helped" along, but just ARE. Each and every burning star.

2012, Selfhood, Shadow Selves, omgz etc.

More so than any other lecture that I've studied this summer, this is the one that truly encapsulates a lot of the way in which I now perceive myself, my purpose and the importance of the human connection in a very cerebral way.

Yes, it's 3.5 hours and if you're allergic to "conspiracy theory", skip 23 minutes into the presentation when Tsarion begins to talk about Consciousness. It is an amazing presentation that I am so stoked to share with anyone who is open to the idea that the otherworldly may not be so otherworldly after all. In fact, it may be our very reality and we can choose to shape it with our very Consciousness.

In other words: briLLiance!

Oh, Bama...

Okay, so here's a youtube vid that's unnecessarily titled, "Barack Obama, Wolf in Sheep's Clothing" - and it's from this 2012 myspace group - but I don't think you have to be a 2012 enthusiast or lover of ominous music in order to glean a lot of interesting information from this video and new perspectives on, yes, the Obama campaign, but also new perspectives on the way in which government and politics function. Historically and presently. And to pay attention to repetitions and patterns while opening an eye and an ear, a sense of awareness, of what is going on beyond rhetoric.

Obama is a very charismatic politician. But what percentage of your vote is riding on charisma, on a very talented, smart personality? When it comes to speeches, he is brilliant. Yes, he's got speech makers who help him out from time to time, but the delivery is all his. And yes, we can admire him for that. But is it logical to use that as a major brownie point in terms of giving yourself over to this person to lead you? Because what he is buying from you, in the end, is your faith. For there is no way for you to know where exactly he will lead this country.

Change. I do believe it. But what kind of change is it that we are looking for? And are we looking in the right places for change?




This Obama-as-Messiah, very much in the eye of the beholder. But it is very real, this affect, this need for a political savior because there is no "yes we can" in the hearts of those voting who believe they can "save" themselves.

So let's go into the very people Obama will be working with when he gets elected into office. I say when because there is no if about it. Let's say he is a single, autonomous person. This is the system he is walking into.



How much will the vote be based upon real, concrete visions of creating change, and how much of it will be based upon real, concrete emotions?



The thing is, if we are looking for change, we will not find it. Not the kind that lasts. Not the kind that we intuitively want or envision in a very abstract way. Why?

Because change is created. It is not found, it is not discovered and it is not brought into fruition by a leader we invest in.

It's in investment that's first made in ourselves. Plant it, grow it, take good care of it - and, when it's ready, enact it externally.


I suppose what concerns me are what happens to voters when they get too wrapped up in all the rhetoric and emotions of it all. Emotions are important and are a positive force under certain conditions. When they are coming from within and processed accordingly. But when they are exploited from without, then it becomes a very real concern.

Let me ask you - are you afraid of disliking Obama? Are you afraid of seriously considering all parts and parcels of his platform? I'm not talking about editing out all the "bad" stuff and just paying attention to the stuff you like.

If you answered yes to the 2 above questions, what does this tell you about yourself? About the campaign? About what we are investing our energy in?

our shadow selves

Relative isolation can be a good thing.

At first you feel lonely or loopy or like the only sane person skipping around in an insane world, which makes you feel paranoid and half-convinced that you're crazy and everyone else is sane, but if you really look at it, no, your brain and rationale are pretty sanitary as they are.

ALL THESE THINGS ARE NECESSARY for you to be productive in your isolation. In order to find self hood. In order to come closer to a state of sovereignty.

Though, there are times when you are ready to reengage with the world in a new way, with new eyes and feel discouraged. Because the only thing that's changed, it seems, is you.

So yes, there are times I get a little restless, a little impatient. Sometimes I just want to shake them, but what can I do? I am only responsible for myself and for my own transformation, though if people are interested in certain modalities of living, I do have information I'd be more than happy to share with them.

Before we get into it, let me get into what this is NOT.

This is NOT me seeking for external stimulus, an artificial culture of identification, or a state of codependence.

It's me, seeing a lot of really cool shit that's happening RIGHT now, RIGHT in front of us - right INSIDE of us. The period of deconstruction, Pluto/Shiva, transmutation and transformation. The masks falling. The confrontation of the Shadow Selves - because if we find ourselves ignoring them now, they will force their presence upon us. Of course, if we aren't ready for them, then there is a chance we may perish. Not physically, but we may end up irrevocably harming our selfhood.

The shadow selves (I think a Carl Jungian thing, but not positive) are the parts we can't handle, we can't deal with, so we stick them in the closet. And they are a useful part of ourselves. We need them in order to move forward.

I mean, a child born into the world cannot provide for itself. It needs to be taken care of. The ego in that sense, takes care of you, after you've thrown all the "bad stuff" in the closet.

How selfish you are, how jealous or possessive you can be of others. Your materialism.

So what happens when you can't confront your shadow self? When you've forgotten you've forgotten it?

My understanding is that when you are ready to face them in any capacity, your shadows will manifest in the physical realm.

Were you once an ignorant asinine jerk in highschool? You can confront that shadow in a multitude of ways. You can meet the physical manifestation of your former incarnation, only this time, it's that asinine jerk in your workplace who beats women. It's an exaggeration of what you could have become had you not chosen to eschew that part of yourself.

You feel immediate repulsion, a strong taste of anger or judgment. Maybe not even guilt, because you're not that person anymore, in fact, you forgot you were that person.

OR you could meet someone who is, though kind-hearted, a bit low in self esteem, constantly placing the worth of others above her own. She's a bit sad, and you want to help her. But after a while, you get frustrated when no progress is made and you become coldly critical or closed off. So that whenever you confront this person, she BRINGS OUT that asinine jerk you were in high school.

Now why does this happen? Why are our shadow selves so important, when they are all the bad and horrible parts of ourselves? Every dark, pathological fantasy of rape, incest or murder?

Because denying that mildew is growing on your shower curtain doesn't make it go away. Sure, you just push it aside and forget it's even there because - first of all, you had no money for cleaning supplies - and second - your curtain has become so black with mildew that after a while you think that you own black shower curtains. Your forget that it was originally purple or beige.

But if the mildew is never addressed, it will continue to spread and when you turn on that hot shower, the steam will release the mildew and fungal spores and enter your lungs, making you sick. At first it's very subtle, but if you never address it, it will eventually make you sicker and sicker -- and you may not even know what it is that is making you sick.

With the shadow self, you one day have enough money to buy some rudimentary cleaning supplies. Maybe a bottle of Formula 409 and a dual-sided sponge. That's it. Cleaning will not be easy or pleasant, but it will be possible. But you develop these things, you receive these things JUST as the mildew is ready to release its spores.

The shadow selves come to you at specific junctures for specific reasons. To embrace and understand the shadow self is to come to a greater understanding of the self. Now, why is this important? Understanding the self? Because it helps you get more strongly connected to your intuition. When you are more strongly connected to your intuition - when you just KNOW something - you are less inclined to allow yourself to be ruled by Uncertainty.

Uncertainty causes stress which creates the parent of all addictions. When you are ruled by Uncertainty, you are not ruling yourself. You are ruled by the words "should" and the words "trying." To "try" is not to DO or to manifest. So forget trying. "Should" is also another word that indicates that you are operating under the sovereignty of another. (Sovereign meaning the unquestioned Ruler.)

Operating under the Sovereignty of Another, meaning that you are voluntarily giving your authority to Someone Else. In effect, instead of Creating Yourself, you are Being Created. That means, someone else, some other entity or social structure is creating the persona you choose to wear in order to protect yourself from external reality and find community in that external reality. For when you feel lonely.

If asked that question: WHY ARE WE HERE?, deep in my heart I do believe that the task and point of all human existence is to become completely sovereign. To become responsible for ourselves, all parts of ourselves. And the way to get to that is through Self-knowing.

The thing is, sometimes we trick ourselves into thinking that our egos - or WORSE - our personas are who we are. That persona = self. Or that ego = self. But that is not true.

The persona and the ego are mere tools. They are the USB cables and flash drives to our hard drives. We NEED these USB cables and flash drives to download and upload new information, to interact with other technological interfaces. But the USB cable is NOT the computer. The flash drive is not the hard drive, your Word documents, all your files you've stashed away and forgotten about.

Shadow selves are those diary entries, those emails that you can't delete. It's like deleting Windows. Windows AREN'T you in your present state, but you need an operating system for the computer to even function, don't you?

So the day you get your bottle of 409 and sponge, you're like, "Shit. There's mildew on the curtain." And you don't have the money to buy a new curtain and you can't throw it away either.

Free Will: So you can choose to ignore it or you can choose to clean it. Ignore it, you'll chronically get sicker every time you take a shower.

Now here comes the 2nd problem. You don't know how to clean it. You've been so spoiled your whole life that you've never once had to get on your knees and cleaned something really filthy and hazardous to your health.

So you spritz your 409 and start scrubbing away with the yellow side of the sponge. You do this for an hour. You get so frustrated you leave the bathroom.

It didn't work and you ended up getting mildew and fungus under your fingernails, GROSS!

So you can ignore it. Or try again. This time, you use the green scrubby side of the sponge and some of it comes off, albeit very slowly. But it's progress. And then you try spritzing 409, leaving the bathroom for half an hour, and the scrubbing it again after the solution's set. All of a sudden, ALL that gunk is coming off! And you're covered in it at this point, but you don't care, because you are getting a clean curtain, but more than that, you are learning how mildew works, how the cleaning products work, and how to clean it YOURSELF.

You understand a part of your bathroom soooooooooo much better now and now understand what to do at the first signs of mildew. And what's more, the more you clean it, the more adept you are at finding cheaper, more effective cleaning products.

THAT would be my analogy of a healthy confrontation with the shadow self.

And after the shadow self is the Anima/Animus/WiseOldMan/WiseMother archetype, and after the process of getting in touch with that intuitive, wise aspect of yourself, you finally reach the SELF and become a whole, fully integrated human being.

It is a process by which we become truly sovereign and truly free. You cannot find freedom when operating under someone else's sovereignty. You cannot find Wholeness or intuitive Knowingness when you are ruled by uncertainty.

And, not to discourage you, but there is more than one shadow hiding in our closet, and they will come out to play and fight with you when the time is right and you are equipped with a stronger emotional and intellectual capacity to deal with the darker sides of your character.

You can expect for it to feel painful, you can expect to get sick. But you can also expect to fully understand this side of yourself and, in understanding it, know what to do when it presents itself. And NO, it does NOT mean shoving it back into the closet... the closet... the closet... (sorry, random R. Kelly reference.) You can expect, through accepting and understanding these parts, to be on your way towards true freedom and sovereignty.

Freedom in a political paradigm doesn't exist.

But spiritual freedom, freedom of the mind, of the emotions and of the intuition - these things can be found and readily accessed at any time once you allow yourself to go through this process of becoming a fully integrated being.

Once upon a time,

There was a boy who lived in a clean room in a messy house.

He lived a moderately exciting life in a moderately exciting manner, though he held a deep desire for something out of the ordinary. Alas, his search for the extraordinary followed very ordinary routes and only connected him to very ordinary people, which was good and well enough for him...with the exception of profound periods and stretches of restlessness.

If anything, he was content being alone in his cleanly ordered room and didn't care much for the rest of the house.

One day, a spritely elf entered his home with a trash bag, a mop and a vacuum. It was the most incredibly strange thing he ever saw.

A sick sense of gladness filled his heart.

The elf fulfilled his paradigm of strangeness, a secret breath of adventure, even before he knew or could visualize what that paradigm was. All he knew was that he was immediately drawn to and fascinated by this odd sort of creature.

For a few brief moments the two stared at each other. In the eyes of the elf, the boy saw new and incredible things flash and dance with his reflection. Even though he'd never met the elf before, it was as if he had known the elf -- or, at the very least, that the elf had known him. Very well. Uncomfortably so.

It was at this moment that the boy suddenly felt very, very awkward.

He did not know what to say to the elf. How to speak its language. The elf appeared to speak his and was equally fascinated by the boy. And yet, every time it hopped forward, the boy jumped back in fear.

Needless to say, the boy felt very ambivalent towards the elf.

So the boy returned to his room and shut the door, returning to his usual routines. But ever so often he would hear the elf puttering around his living room, cooking up unfamiliar but heavenly smells in the kitchen.

This disturbed the boy in his very clean room in his very unclean home. The thing is, even though he did not respect the home outside of his bedroom very much, it was still his home.

Besides, what did the elf want from him? Why was it cleaning his home? What was he going to have to pay the elf in return?

"Just your attention," said the elf.

Oh, now the boy got it. And he got angry. He didn't want to have to pay any attention to the elf at all! Is that what the elf wanted? For the boy to forget about his clean and ordered room and pay all his attention to the elf all day long? For the boy to completely disrupt his way of doing things, his formerly contented existence?

"No and yes. Yes and no. If you give me a moment, I'll explain what I mean."

The boy stalked into his room and slammed the door. For the next few days, he would hear a few noises, here and there, coming from the kitchen. Once in a while there would be a note slipped under his door, quivering with a sense of excitement. The boy made a big show of paying them no mind. After all, he was a very busy boy.

So then came the day when a long breath of silence stretched over his home. Thick and heavy, cloaking over everything outside his bedroom like a dusty shadow.

The boy opened his door a crack and found a pile of dusty notes outside his door. A horrible sense of guilt stained his thoughts.

When he ventured into the kitchen, he found a plate of odd treats that had gone cold.

The boy wished to find some way to thank the elf, but didn't want it back to disrupt the order of his home. Besides, he wouldn't know where anything was anymore. And if the elf were to come back, would it try cleaning his home again? Would it end up uncovering his secret stash of bestiality porn that was lying under some mess somewhere? What would it think then? And if it finished cleaning up the rest of his home, surely the elf would venture into his bedroom, which was OFF LIMITS to all creatures, strange and ordinary.

No, no, the boy was a very busy boy and had no time for elves. Just time enough for all his commitments to the concrete reality of a world he was exerting so much energy to stand out in, though he had no idea why this was so important to him. It was just something that was to be done. Something he had to do in order to feel in control.

Because if he didn't do that, if he didn't make that a priority...

...he didn't know.

The boy sat and contemplated for a moment on how uncertainty was his greatest fear.

As he contemplated, he heard a soft noise outside his door.

After a few, long moments, he opened his door. On the floor was half a cookie and a note, "I ATE THE OTHER HALF. IT WAS TOO DELICIOUS."

The boy returned to his room and worked, worked, worked - and forgotbutnotreally about the elf. By the end of the week, he ventured out into his chronically cluttered kitchen and returned to the cookie - or, half of it - to eat it.

But it had long gone so stale and moldy that he could not even identify what kind of cookie it once was.

In a moment of kindness, he wrote his own note and slipped it under his front door, "WHAT KIND OF COOKIE WAS IT?"

No sooner had he slipped the note that the door popped open. Only this time, the elf stayed outside in the hallway, kicking at an invisible rock. "So..."

The boy opened his mouth to speak, but could not find words enough to say anything that meant anything important. Anxiety, like spider legs, crawled over his beating heart.

His hand touched the edge of the door, undecided as to whether it should close it or open it a crack wider. That's when a new thought entered his thoughts: it never occurred to him what it would be like to see the world through the eyes of an elf.